Thursday, January 11, 2007

Much goodness here

Dave’s Wednesday Night Werewolf: The Apocalypse Campaign


Farone: I like that you’re clairvoyant cause that makes you a medium. Or, a medium plus.


Janessa: What’s empathy?

Todd: You don’t have it.

Farone: Maybe if you can take Random Empathy…


(Janessa is choosing skills)

Janessa: I don’t know what’s good for me.

Eli: You’ll listen to me if you know what’s good for you!

Travis: She doesn’t.


Farone: One of the specialties under crafts is ‘jury-rigging’.

Todd: As a lawyer, I should have taken some points in that.


Farone: I can cast a silent fog.

Eli: Is that a fog we can’t hear?

Farone: As long as I don’t fail my roll.

Eli: What happens then?

Travis: We get John Carpenter’s Fog.


Dave: So you’re just going straight up to the river?

Travis: Yeah. Is that bad? Cause if it’s bad, let me know and we’ll do something else.


Farone: Can you use your ruin ability to make a bigger opening in the bramble?

Eli: No, because the bramble is multiple sticks and I can only ruin one thing.

Farone: No, it’s THE bramble.

Eli: Oh. I hadn’t thought of it that way.


(After Kurt dies and is brought back in a tent with his “people”)

Travis – From now on wear a bracelet that says “Take me to a hospital, you backwoods freaks.

Farone – Yeah, like they can read.


(The NPC explains the plan in great detail…)

NPC: So, what do you think?

Todd: Oh my God! Were you talking to me that whole time?


Todd: No, no, no, I got turned first, I turned him, he turned you, it’s your turn. Go turn him.


Eli: We need some kind of spirit animal that’s crazy…

Todd: Squirrel?

Eli, Travis: YES!


Dave: I hate to admit it, but I wasn’t prepared for squirrel…


Travis: Maybe he thinks Todd’s the lead wolf and he wants to challenge the leader.

Pack: Yeah!

Travis: Little does he know that we’re in fact, a disorganized mob!


Eli: He’s 33 cemeteries long…

Dave: Um…

Eli: I mean centimeters!


Keith: What if we get some badges.
Eli: What kind of badges?

Keith: You know, like, prison inspector…

Eli: That’s officially the dumbest idea we’ve had yet.

Farone: So, we’ll all turn into wolf form, and then you go up and tell the guard you’re here for the USO show, then we’ll walk along behind you on our back legs!




Eli: Prison inspector badges is now officially, the SECOND dumbest idea we’ve had.

D&D New Style (March 2005)


Janessa: I’ll listen cause I have eyes and ears. Or whatever.


Farone: Lick it! You’re a paladin. It can’t hurt you.


Travis: You should have used a menacing voice.

Farone: I don’t have a menacing voice. I have my voice.


Adam: The old woman gets 50 xp! For surviving the encounter with us.



Kurt: It’s a slow moving Tornado. It’s just…not…moving…very fast.

Eli: It’s a slow-nado?


Farone: I’m actually taller than the Demon.

Travis: I doubt that.

Farone: What are you talking about? You’re like 5 foot 10. I’m 6-11.

Kurt: You’re 6-11?

Farone: I…I don’t know how tall I am.


Eli: Did you check the scrolls to see if anything like this has ever happened before?

Kurt: Nothing’s ever happened before.


Dave: Did I mention the Demon that I saw?

Kurt: No. Seems like that would have come up…

Todd: List of things that are important: #1. Got a haircut. #2. Demon.

Kurt: Did the Demon hurt you?

Dave: No, he was busy paying attention to the guy with the gun.

Kurt: …

Todd: #3. Guy with gun.


Kurt: If something were going on there would have been some kind of sign.

Dave: Like the giant dark slow moving tornado outside?

Kurt: There’s a giant dark tornado?

Todd: #4! Giant Dark Tornado!


Todd: These dice have pips on them for showing body damage.

Kurt: You said ‘pips’.

Todd: They are pips.

Dave: They are pips.

Kurt: Well…I know.


Travis: Just let me carry you then we can fly over to the other vortex.

Dave: Carry me? Your hands have big nasty bloody claws on them!

Travis: It’s not my blood.


Farone: What is my “Offensive Rating”?

Todd: That’s just an arbitrary number made by the program that did character sheets.

Dave: It’s not arbitrary.

Farone: Well what is it then?

Dave: OCV is your Offensive Combat Value.

Farone: No, Offensive Rating.

Dave: Oh, that’s arbitrary.


Kurt: It’s 42 minus…

Todd: It’s 25.

Kurt: No, it’s 42 – 17.

Todd: 25.

Kurt: Dave, what is it?

Dave: 25.

Kurt: Right.

Todd: How come when Dave says it it’s right, but when I say it you gotta ask Dave?
Kurt: Cause when I look at you I hear funny things and when I look at Dave I hear smart things.




CH: “What’s your name?”

M: “Buckeye.”
(rest of party simultaneously):”Buck.” “Buck!” “Buck.”

Jon: “Generally we call him ‘How the hell did you miss from that range?’”


Toad: “How did you survive?”

Jon: “He said ‘Leave or die.’ Then we said nothing. And then he left.”


Jon: (After the ranger took off through the forest without us.) “I’m gonna fall in a hole.”


Jon: “How do you like your shield?”

Buck: “Medium.”


Toad: “The is the most brilliant plan we’ve ever come up with to capture a cult. We’ll steal all their candles then open a candle shop and arrest them when they come in.”


Jon: “He’s like Mulder over here, touching everything. ‘Ooh, I don’t know what this is…WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!’”



DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (Todd’s old school Spicewood Springs Campaign)


Monté: (after rolling a critical and killing an evil priest in one hit) Pray now B*TCH!


Monté: (Talking to John’s Monk) Why don’t you take a vow of silence and shut the f*ck up.


Monté: (Eyeing his familiar after failing a lockpick role) …I shove my falcon through the keyhole.


Toad: “You’re being attacked by the men of Yen-thil Tanaka.”

AC: “What the hell is Yen-thil Tanaka?”

Monté: “It’s the number six entrée at Twin Lion.”


Toad: “Is the paladin done learning how to start his own business?”
Hal: “I cast Investment Capital!”



DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (Anthony’s House Sunday Afternoon Campaign)


(While Kim Rolls her dice surreptitiously at the table)

Farone: You’re rolling out all the good rolls.

Jeff: Then it’s going to be empty and you’re going to have to buy new dice.


DM: (as an NPC): I can’t tell you anything consciously…

AC: Let’s knock him out!

Jeff: He’s still being uncooperative.


DM: You can’t see him. He’s hidden.

Farone: Where the F*ck did the orc go?

AC: I’m a Half-orc.

Jeff: Who the F*ck said that!?!


Kim: What happened to the monk that was with us?
AC: I accidentally killed him.

Farone: But he had the letter we needed!

AC: Oh, I took that.

Jeff: So you accidentally killed and looted him…


Farone: He thinks he has a deity.

AC: Don’t you have a deity?

Farone: Yes, but mine’s real.


DM: He’s ignoring you.

Farone: That’s the worst painting of the moon I’ve ever seen!

Jeff: Oh, yeah, that’ll work. Let’s heckle him. “Hey, you suck!”


Farone: This area is the same as the other area, only compressed into a smaller area…


Farone: Can you describe the guy that summoned you?

Demon: He was tall.

Farone: Did he have the head of a collie?

Demon: Er

Jeff: Yeah, he remembered the guy was tall but forgot he had a dog’s head.


Farone: We’re badasses, we should just attack everyone in this town. Unless they’re all badasses too. In which case we won’t.

AC: No, it’s ok, I’m 3rd level.

Farone. Yeah. And um…I’m 3rd level too.

Jeff: So we’re attacking the city then?


DM (as a sage): Well, you’re a Halfling. I haven’t seen a Halfling in ages. And you’ve obviously got some orc blood in you…

Jeff: Well, since he’s in the mood to identify things…